Tuesday, February 26, 2008
UUUHH OOO THERE SHE GO..
"Bonatea Elizabeth Womack, you betta be off that couch when I come back" my mom said shouting at me. "You need to go out it's a beautiful day".I can remember how it all started. It was a hot day in Philadelphia, and I didn't feel like doing anything. No chores, didn't wanna go to the mall, call my friends, or even open the front door for my mom, as I heard her scrambling looking for her keys. The only thing I wanted to do was wash my hair, and get it straighten. "Why are you still here, she said coming in the door,I thought you was going to get your hair done"."I am I was just waiting for you to come back wit the money." I said looking real dumb because before she left she gave me the money."She raised her left eye brow up in the air as if she was "The Rock "" Bonatea if you don't get ya butt up off that couch you just betta, you been in that same postion since I, left I'm surprisied you got dress."she said sweating bullets. "I wasn't sitt'n in the same postion either, cause when you saw me the remote was in my left hand now it's in my right" I said as I was getting up off the couch. I was wearing a white -T and some blue denim carpi's with the Adidas's flip-flops with my hair out. If you ask me it looked like I was going to make a"Crank Dat" video. I went next door to my neighbor's house and let her wash, blow-dry, and straighten my hair. She was finish and I paid her. Then I got a text message from my friends asking me if I wanted to hang out because they were right out front. I didn't mind but anything that had to do wit the outdoors I didn't wanna do.I left my neighbor's house, but as soon as I step foot outside, it was like a heat wave had struck me hard in the face. I was so glad that my friends were right there in the jeep with the air conditioner on full blast. I got in the jeep and from my view it look like we were going to the playground. Everyone got out expect for me. "Tia come on you drawl'n" He said to me, with a chuckle. "Umm sweetheart do you know how hot it is out there and besides I just got my hair done and my mom would kill me if I mess it up."What I just said didn't mean anything to him.He took the keys out the ignition and shut the door. I was heated, so I got out the car and slam it back. I was hoping that I slam it so hard the windows would break. "STUPID!"The playground was filled with people. Music blasting, everyone waiting for a pick up game on basketball on the ball courts, girls playing jump-rope, little kids playing tag your it, I'm smelling Bar-B-Q. What it wrong with these people it's to hot for all this. I wouldn't be surprised if someone started fighting. SHOOT! I entered the gates of the ball courts and sat down. "A yo Tia we got next ight" What? I said with a attitude."Next to get a plate cuz umm sweetheart I not playing ball wit ya'll". "Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaassseeee". "I don't have any ball sneaks Nez" I said signing " I got some in the back of the jeep I'll go get em". O my goodnese okay I'll play. He went and got them. I said to myself "I could have stayed home and watched a full hour of Tom and Jerry not playing basketball all hot sweating rain drops NOOOO". He got the sneaks and I put em on. They wear a fresh new pair of Jordans, a size 7 1/2 in boys.Perfect fit! I hope he don't think he's get em back. We got on the ball corts and check rock. I didn't feel like playing until this boy tried to play me and say girls can't play ball and that he was gonna crack me . Not I said the cat. It was on. I got the ball and was like.M.J. I was throughing oops, crossing over people and to top it all off the DJ was playing my song. I dancing on the court got the crowd hype, but one thing I forgot was my hair. I was sweating so bad that my hair started to look as though I never got it done.My smile slowly turned into a frown. "My mom gonna be so piss"! I thought
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2 comments:
1)The writer grabbed my attention by opening up with action.Their being yelled at in the beginning of the story which to anyone is interesting.
2)My favorite line is when she tells the boy that she is not sweating our her hair because her mom will kll her.
3.)Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.
"The playground was filled with people. Music blasting, everyone waiting for a pick up game on basketball on the ball courts, girls playing jump-rope, little kids playing tag your it, I'm smelling Bar-B-Q."
4.)What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?
The section where she is in the neighbors house gettinh her hair done.
5.)Does the ending wrap up the story?
I think the ending should tell about what happened when she went home and maybe that would rap up the story.
6.)What is clever and/or lively about the ending?
It's lively how she is explaining the moment on the court with the music playing and how bad her hair turned out to be.
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