I Only Have 1

What people didn't always know was that everything about my life wasn't as pretty as my ruffled socks or new outfit. Alot of times the outfits just covered up alot of things I actually went through as a child. Growing up my mother wasn't always around so I lived with my grandmother for a while and to everyone it was just a small transition and I would quickly get over it but it wasn't a phase and my childhood wasn't as bright as my new clothes or as pretty as my hair. It wasn't easy.
Living with my grandmother wasn't rough and no we didn't struggle for food. We where financially stable but I know everyone knows the saying "money isn't everything". although my grandmother stepped up and took the role of motherhood to me and my two brothers like it was 2ND nature, I was still the oldest and I still just needed to be with my mother but my mother needed to be by herself for a while. I guess me and my brothers became too much for her and she was just too overwhelmed so my grandmother was there to take us off her shoulders.But of course I didnt understand that and even today at times I try to but I dont. Shes our mother so whatever she was going through I felt she should have dealt with that and us because it was her duty as our MOM. Me and my brothers felt that staying with grandma meant" do what you want and have fun", you know like vacation but as weeks turned into months it wasn't becoming a little vacation to me anymore I was ready to go home. I started to feel as if my mother didn't want me and my brothers anymore and this made me grow resentment towards them because before they came along I was the only child and I was my mothers everything. we shopped all the time together, we got our nails done together, she was more than just my mom, and not to sound cheesy but she was my best friend and I felt abandoned or betrayed when she needed to be alone. as days went on I just knew that us having to stay with my grandmother was all because of my brothers because my mother would never need time away from me so it had to be them. although no one knew of my anger I became very bitter on a daily basis. I didn't wanna eat or listen to anyone I just wanted to be with my mother and do things that my mother and I did together like shop. whether I only went to the mall to get ice cream or walk around that became the only time I wasn't so upset because I was doing what me and my mother would be doing if we where together. My grandmother was an excellent grandmother and knew every emotion or feeling I was going through without me having to telll her. you know when your upset and everyone asking "whats wrong" well my grandmother always knew, all the time, but this particular problem she couldn't mend I needed and wanted to be with my mom. my mom came around every now and then just to visit but came less and less because every time she came it was harder and harder for my brothers and I to let her go. After about 6 months my brothers and I went home to my mom. for that whole day I called myself holding this grudge towards my mom for leaving me for so long. I didn't want to talk to her, hug her, even look at her, but it was getting harder by the minute because I missed her so much. The love I had and still have for my mother was stronger than the hate I had for her those 6 months. Later that night I was in my bed, so happy to be home and even happier to be with my mom. I couldn't stay mad any longer and I went and got into my moms bed and she just held my that night, she simply said she loved me, apologized, kissed my forehead, and told me good night and I fell asleep. in the whole 6 months that was the best nights sleep I had since I left my mother. the next morning we went to the nail salon and talked all about what my mother was going through and why she did what she did and how hard it was for her to do it, but to be honest I feel like even if my mom would have left me and my brothers at my grandmothers house for 3 years and came back and told me she loved me and held me while I feel asleep in her bed I couldn't stay mad at her because shes my best friend, even when im mad at her shes the best mom, but most important I know I only have one.

First day at a new school and city

Raised in the south, growing up on acres and acres of land is a fun life expierence. Smelling the fresh trees after it rains, having breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, and desert. Even a healthy lunch with a little "I love you" with it to top it off. Life couldn't get any better. Instead it got worst. The next week I was moving to Philadelphia with my mom and my step dad. I was having a good old time playing every sport with my cousins, although I always had cuts and bruises because they were all boys and well you know how they play rough. Eating auntie’s cooking and grandma's biscuits, mmmmmmm good! So why was that all being taking away from me? I am a good kid. I
would not do any harm to anyone. You know there's that saying ,” It’s too good to be true", and now I know that was a fact. As I left South Carolina I started thinking about how my life would change. My friends, home cooked meals,and last but not least going to a new school. My mother told me she enrolled me to a schoolnamed F.S.Emonds Elementary, and that I started school Monday. It was a Saturday when I moved to Philadelphia. It was a lot of children on my block. It was not hard for me to meet new friends. The only thing they made fun of me about was the way I talked and dressed, but that was all. But that all changed when my mom took me shopping. She bought me a lot different things that she saw most kids were wearing so I would not feel left out, but I still felt that way. It was Monday morning, and I was getting dressed for school. Brushing my little teeth, putting on my little Nike sweat suit, and of course having my mom plat my hair, putting bows at the end of the plat to match my sweat suit. With this whole new look, you could not tell I was a southern girl until I open my mouth. Because before we went shopping I would wear my blue jean overalls with one side left unattached. And had corn rows going straight back or even in a ponytail. After she was done getting me ready for school, we left the house. She drove me to school and as we got closer and closer to the school I became more and more nervous. We pulled up to the school and went inside. We went to the main office where they gave my mom my homeroom number and my teacher's name .My teacher's name was Ms. Satlaw and my homeroom was room 101. I kissed my mom goodbye and we parted ways. As I got to the end of the hall I felt me shedding a tear. I looked back to see if my mom was still there, and she was. Standing there waving with a great big Kool Aid smile. I turned the corner and went into the classroom where the teacher greeted me at the door. She had to ask me my name several times because she couldn’t really get it at first. But after she got it on the tenth try she introduce me to the class. Boy was I scared! Ask me why, I really don’t know? After introducing me to the class I took a seat next to the little boys and girls. Everyone started to stare, which made me nervous. As I got my notebook out, Ms. Satlaw made an announcement to the class. She told us that we will be having a field trip to the Franklin Institute on Thursday. And that the cost was twenty-five dollars. She gave everyone a note to give to their parents. I really wasn’t excited about the trip because I didn’t know what the Franklin Institute was. And I know on trips you are suppose to hang out with your friends, and well, I didn’t have any. See, just because it was my first day at school it wasn’t for them. They had already started. I believe it was going on the second marking period. For the rest of the day no one said anything to me. I just had teachers following me around to show me where everything was. I went home that night and gave my mom the note. She asked me if I like the school. I wanted to tell her no, but I put a fake smile on and told her I had a lot of new friends. I showed her the note and she said I could go, but unfortunately she or my dad couldn’t go with me because they had to go to work. So much for parents. It was Thursday morning..

Freedom Writers and Narrative Number 2

“Write about something that will change your life. It is the best gift you can give yourself.” –John Truby

You’ve finished watching the film Freedom Writers. I hope that you drew some inspiration from how each those students found her “voice” and had the courage to tell her story. These stories were about their lives; they were real. Each story had something every reader could relate to: passion, pain, danger, tragedy, comedy; each had something that touched the reader’s heart. Beware: don’t make yourself a hapless victim; you are not trying to make the reader feel sorry for you; you risk coming across as pathetic. Instead, if you show pain, show the human struggle with the pain. This type of writing is risky; it takes courage; it requires that you make yourself vulnerable, and no one is comfortable with that. Just remember every good story reminds the reader what it is to be human.

In your journal, brainstorm ideas for personal narrative #2.

For Friday, write the first draft of that story in your journal.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FINAL DRAFT

It was a peaceful and joyful morning. My mom and my aunts were in the kitchen cooking up a delicious dinner for the family. My pops and uncles were in the living room watching a taped boxing match. The little kids were making a mess of the living room, while they ran around throwing things everywhere. While, all this was going on I was in my bed knocked out. I had a long night and got in the house late. As soon as I got in the house I just fell right to sleep. All the noise and commotion didn’t wake me up, surprisingly. Until my bighead sister woke me up. She yelled in me ear “WAKE UP, IT’S CHRISTMAS”. I told her to shut up and threw the super stuffed pillow at her, but missed. I didn’t see how I missed, knowing that her head was the size of two grapefruits put together. When she left, I realized I was fully awake and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got washed up and got dressed. I went downstairs and greeted the folks. I never seen my family all together before, so I knew today was going to be a good day. I went into the kitchen while trying not to step on the toys the kids had lying around. I gave my mother a hug and went straight to the food. After some breakfast, we opened presents. We never actually said “Merry Christmas”, because some of my family members were Muslim. It wasn’t a big deal any way, all I got was a crappy sweater and a pair of sneakers. Later that day, I started to run around like any other 9 year old and played with the family dog. My mom warned me about running around, but I ignored her, that was a big mistake. I started to play with my pet dog and chased him around and tried not to trip over anything. Everything was fun until I looked up and saw the round corner of the dinning room table. BAM!!! I ran straight into the table and knocked all the cups and dishes out of place. I fell right on my rear, and sat there for a good minute. I tried to hold my tears in but the tears just started pouring out. My eye swelled up like my sister’s big head. It was the blackest eye I ever seen. My family didn’t even help me; all they did was laugh their drunk butts at me. My mother laughed and said “I told you so”. And she was right. The rest of the day I had to sit and watch television out of one eye while holding a pack of ice against my right eye.



. How the F can something be peaceful and hectic? It is too vague.2. I don’t know what it will be about because it’s too vague.3. You got hit by your mom while playing and still remember it.4. Things I liked best were, how you explained what’s happening in most of the house and not just where the incident occurred. Explained what the rest of the day was like afterwards.5. Why your mom hitting you matters, how you manage to make a grammatical error in almost every sentence. Boxing matches are on in the morning?? You go from presents to playing and getting hit fast, maybe you could add more or work on that.

Oops! My Bad.( Final Draft)

Almost time to eat! Me and my family were on our way to my aunt's house on a cool fall night. I was seven years old and I was sitting between my older cousin and my mom in the back seat of my uncle's Lexus. I loved riding in his car because it was big and fancy and no one else in my family had a car like that one. I was wearing some blue jeans and a pink shirt filled with flowers. I always wanted to be color- coordinated so my jacket was probably pink and so were my shoes. My hair was braided with clear beads all over. I loved jewelry, so I had on my little shiny gold hoops and a bracelet with my name on it that my mom bought me for Christmas. As we were riding along, Mary J. Blige’s song came on the radio and I was so excited. `Not gonna cry' was the name of the song and this was one of my favorites. I just couldn’t wait to sing along. I started singing and my family began to laugh and was surprised that I knew every word. My favorite part of the song was about to come up and I began to sing louder and louder. I sang from the top of my lungs, “I should have left your ass a thousand times. No I’m--" . I was interrupted by loud laughter that filled the car. I stopped, looked around, and asked what was so funny. They told me that I said a bad word when I was singing. “No I didn’t” , I snapped back. They continued to laugh, but I found nothing funny. Once I realized what I had said, I was so sacred that I would get in trouble. Even though every one was laughing, I thought they were mad at me. After they saw how upset I was, they kept telling me that it was okay, but I didn’t listen. I just wanted to cry! I knew how bad cursing was and my mom always told me that I wasn’t supposed to say bad words. Once we got to my aunt’s house, everyone had forgotten about what happened. But not me! As soon as I got into the house I ran into my aunt’s walk- in closet and sat on the floor. I just knew that now that we were in the house, I would get in trouble. I sat in that closet for about fifteen minutes just waiting for my punishment. My mom finally came in and found me and told me not to worry. She said she knew I didn’t mean to say it. Eventually, I came out of the closet and although it still played in the back of my mind, I tried my best to forget about it. I had to ignore the jokes, the teasing, and the laughing my cousins made and tried not to worry about it. Even to this day when I hear the song, I always pause at that part and just remember how scared I was. When I sing the song now and that part comes up, I get a weird feeling as if I said something wrong. Just to be on the safe side, I’ll make sure my mom isn’t around.



Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better. The opening could have been better. It wasn’t attention grabbing. Maybe you could have added a little bit of action to it.2. What do you think the narrative will be about? From the opening sentence I thought it was going to be about a thanksgiving dinner.3. Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences. It was funny and innocent. It was very relatable.4. Finish this statement: Things I liked best were… when you talked about your emotions and how you felt. I could really relate to feeling that way.5. Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were…the things that your family were saying when it happened. Was the car ride awkward for you?
February 12, 2008 11:17 AM

A Tragic Experience (Final Draft)

Everyone was in the room crying. The ambulance was on its way. This was the worst day of my life. I remember the day very clearly. I remember the people, the smells, and the noises. I was eight years old. It was two weeks before Christmas. I had on my black Reeboks with the Velcro straps. I had on a green and yellow swishy swashy sweat suit with a yellow turtleneck. My hair was in braids with colorful beads that would make noise every time I turn my head. I had a look of confusion on my face because I didn’t understand what was going on. I saw all of my family crying and making loud noises. The radio was playing in the background of all the noise. On the radio was Lean on Me by Kirk Franklin. Soon the ambulance came rushing in the house to take her away. My grandmother, who I called mom mom, was a very important part of my life growing up. I’ll never forget the smell of her house when I first walked in. It smelled like she was always cooking a meal. In the living room I would always sit on the tan couch with the plastic covering that made me sweat when I had shorts on. She said that I would always take over the T.V. every time I came over. I remember she was the only person I knew with a big screen television. In back of the T.V. was a huge painting of the ocean, which she always loved to visit. I will never forget the day that my mom mom died. I didn’t cry at first because her death didn’t set into my reality. I knew that she was sick for a long time, but I didn’t realize that she was suddenly going to die. As I watched my mom and everyone else in the room watch my mom mom slip in and out of consciousness I began to pray. After I prayed I went back in the room and I saw my mom mom lying on the bed while everyone surrounded her. My aunt told me to go downstairs and said that only grownups needed to be in there. Soon the ambulance rushed in the house. About ten minutes later they carried my mom mom in a body bag and put her in the ambulance. I still felt confused. I asked my mom what was going on. With tears in her eyes, she told me that my grandmother went to live in heaven. I didn’t know what to think. I wanted to cry but at the same time, I didn’t want my mom to see me crying. I felt that I had to stay strong for my mom because when my grandmother was in the hospital, that is what she told me to do. Soon my whole family was at the house talking and reminiscing about my grandmother. About two weeks later, two days before Christmas, we all went to her funeral. I still didn’t cry about her death because it didn’t feel real. But when I saw her casket go down into the ground, tears came rolling down my face. It finally felt real to me. I started to realize that she was gone and I would never see her face again. I loved her with all of my heart. I went over to my mom and gave her a big hug. I think about my mom mom all the time and I know she would be proud of me. This was a time that I will never forget.
1) I think that the opening of your story should be different. Won't you maybe say exactly what you smelled, or the exact noises that you heard. 2)I thought this story was going to be about Christmas day or the holidays. 3) This story is basically about a young girl who had to deal with the confusion that surrounded the death of her grandmother. 4)Things I liked best were...The descriptive deatais she gave about her daeth and the emotions she felt. 5) Things i would like to know more about is how herfamilyis doing now after her grandmother's death.

Oww [Final Draft]

My knees and elbows were covered in red, which I would’ve cared about if my hip wasn’t searing with pain. It was a couple years ago at a park near my house. Trees in all directions surrounded me. The grass was littered with leaves and acorns. I could hear basketball being played to the east of me, while I could just barely hear cars on the freeway to my west. I was wearing faded black Fallen’s with fabric protruding from the toecap. The bottoms of my pants were slightly ripped around the edges. They were khaki cargos supported by a mangled belt that looked even worse than my shoes. I had to spend every 10 minutes or so lifting my pants because I lacked a properly functioning belt. I wore a white T-shirt and could feel the cold air on my sleeveless arms. I was skating with friends and I decided to ride down a steep downhill path that measured about a 100 yards that I had skated a few times before. I had tuned my board since then but I didn’t bother to see how it would run because I was bored and had to do something exciting. My friend wouldn’t skate it because he was too scared and said I was crazy. I started off and didn’t even bother to clear the road of shit that would get in my way (branches, acorns, rocks, etc.). I was fine for a good 7-10 seconds then my board started to shake uncontrollably. I was going too fast to stop or jump off, stuff I was use to doing. I just looked down at the board and was like WTF! I should’ve used my other board but I wasn’t thinking. This board was way too fast and I had just recently cleaned the bearings. The board’s front side jerked to the left and I took two running steps before I flew through the air. My body tackled the ground a couple of times and skid the rest of the way. I laid on the ground watching the board get away from me. I got up slowly to find my pants completely torn with blood soaking the edges. I lifted my shirt to see a large bloody skid mark covering my hip. “Thank god, I didn’t wear one of my other belts today”, I thought. It would have hurt even worse. My friend was like, “WTF, I should’ve got that on camera!” The color red substituted where my elbows originally were. My bloody knees felt like they were ready to disconnect from their sockets. Despite all that, I probably would have tried again if I had more feeling in my lower body.

1. Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better.
No, not really. Maybe you should of describe the park and maybe describe the scenery.
2. What do you think the narrative will be about?
Since the title was OWW I knew someone was going to get hurt but I wasn’t sure who.
3. Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences.
Ryan rode skated down a step hill and crashed.
4. Finish this statement: Things I liked best were…
Things I liked was the way you put detail into everything and gave me a picture of what happened that day.
5. Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were…
I want to know what happened after. Did your mom come get you? Did you go to the hospital?

WOMAN VS. GORILLA {FINAL DRAFT}

It was almost the last day of 8th grade. I was probably 14 years old. I was 5'5 with braids, to think about it I look exactly the same now that Im in the 12 th grade. I had on a blue shirt and tan pants. Those were my middle school uniform colors and I hated them . Since it was almost the last day of school there was not alot of students at school, maybe twenty 8th graders. I was the quiet type so people thought I was a punk , until this incident. We were in the lunch room having lunch when Sharell started throwing food. Sharell wasnt an average 8th grader, she was a bully. She was 5'4, fat , and black as hell. People was scared of her but I wasnt gonna sit in my seat and let her throw french fries at me. Eventhough I didnt talk alot when I got mad I didnt know when to shut up. So as you would guess I started running off at the mouth. I can remember exactly what I was yelling , B watch where the f**k you throwing sh*t". I wish I would have kept my mouth closed but it was to late. I was calling her all types of fat bi**hes. All of a sudden Sharell got up and said, "What you say", slightly scared I repied,"You heard me". That was when it all was about to begin , my first fight. When she said she was going to come and slap the sh*t out of me , I told her to do it as I was getting up out of my seat. Well she wasnt a punk so she came over and handled her business. Everyone in the lunch room was yelling, excited to see a end of the year fight. Since I wasnt the type to get into trouble my teacher Ms.Williams couldnt believe her eyes. Ms.Williams was African American and slightly ghetto. Every child and teacher knew Sharell was a bully so Ms.Williams started hitting Sharell to get her to let go of me hair. It wasnt a big fight but it was fun to me. When it was over my friend Chinique ask me was I ok and I started laughing. I dont know why but maybe because I just got finish fighting a gorilla. I was expecting to be all bloody or swollen but I wasnt. When word got around to the other students no one believe them because I wasnt bleeding; but I earned my respect from the ones who witness it so I didnt care. It was kind of cool.







The opening does intrest me a little but it jumps right into a description of yourself.

I would think the narritive is about you watching a wrestling match with a gorrila and a woman looking at the title of the story.

the story is about olivia fighting a girl who is much bigger than she is and is a bully but olivia stood up and faught the girl even though she was scared.

I liked things best where oliva admitted she was a little scared and she felt she had a good reputation after the fight.

I would like to know more about what happened after that with you and the girl and if your mom was mad or not when she found out.