Oops! My Bad.( Final Draft)

Almost time to eat! Me and my family were on our way to my aunt's house on a cool fall night. I was seven years old and I was sitting between my older cousin and my mom in the back seat of my uncle's Lexus. I loved riding in his car because it was big and fancy and no one else in my family had a car like that one. I was wearing some blue jeans and a pink shirt filled with flowers. I always wanted to be color- coordinated so my jacket was probably pink and so were my shoes. My hair was braided with clear beads all over. I loved jewelry, so I had on my little shiny gold hoops and a bracelet with my name on it that my mom bought me for Christmas. As we were riding along, Mary J. Blige’s song came on the radio and I was so excited. `Not gonna cry' was the name of the song and this was one of my favorites. I just couldn’t wait to sing along. I started singing and my family began to laugh and was surprised that I knew every word. My favorite part of the song was about to come up and I began to sing louder and louder. I sang from the top of my lungs, “I should have left your ass a thousand times. No I’m--" . I was interrupted by loud laughter that filled the car. I stopped, looked around, and asked what was so funny. They told me that I said a bad word when I was singing. “No I didn’t” , I snapped back. They continued to laugh, but I found nothing funny. Once I realized what I had said, I was so sacred that I would get in trouble. Even though every one was laughing, I thought they were mad at me. After they saw how upset I was, they kept telling me that it was okay, but I didn’t listen. I just wanted to cry! I knew how bad cursing was and my mom always told me that I wasn’t supposed to say bad words. Once we got to my aunt’s house, everyone had forgotten about what happened. But not me! As soon as I got into the house I ran into my aunt’s walk- in closet and sat on the floor. I just knew that now that we were in the house, I would get in trouble. I sat in that closet for about fifteen minutes just waiting for my punishment. My mom finally came in and found me and told me not to worry. She said she knew I didn’t mean to say it. Eventually, I came out of the closet and although it still played in the back of my mind, I tried my best to forget about it. I had to ignore the jokes, the teasing, and the laughing my cousins made and tried not to worry about it. Even to this day when I hear the song, I always pause at that part and just remember how scared I was. When I sing the song now and that part comes up, I get a weird feeling as if I said something wrong. Just to be on the safe side, I’ll make sure my mom isn’t around.



Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better. The opening could have been better. It wasn’t attention grabbing. Maybe you could have added a little bit of action to it.2. What do you think the narrative will be about? From the opening sentence I thought it was going to be about a thanksgiving dinner.3. Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences. It was funny and innocent. It was very relatable.4. Finish this statement: Things I liked best were… when you talked about your emotions and how you felt. I could really relate to feeling that way.5. Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were…the things that your family were saying when it happened. Was the car ride awkward for you?
February 12, 2008 11:17 AM