MERRY CHRISTMAS FINAL DRAFT

It was a peaceful and joyful morning. My mom and my aunts were in the kitchen cooking up a delicious dinner for the family. My pops and uncles were in the living room watching a taped boxing match. The little kids were making a mess of the living room, while they ran around throwing things everywhere. While, all this was going on I was in my bed knocked out. I had a long night and got in the house late. As soon as I got in the house I just fell right to sleep. All the noise and commotion didn’t wake me up, surprisingly. Until my bighead sister woke me up. She yelled in me ear “WAKE UP, IT’S CHRISTMAS”. I told her to shut up and threw the super stuffed pillow at her, but missed. I didn’t see how I missed, knowing that her head was the size of two grapefruits put together. When she left, I realized I was fully awake and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got washed up and got dressed. I went downstairs and greeted the folks. I never seen my family all together before, so I knew today was going to be a good day. I went into the kitchen while trying not to step on the toys the kids had lying around. I gave my mother a hug and went straight to the food. After some breakfast, we opened presents. We never actually said “Merry Christmas”, because some of my family members were Muslim. It wasn’t a big deal any way, all I got was a crappy sweater and a pair of sneakers. Later that day, I started to run around like any other 9 year old and played with the family dog. My mom warned me about running around, but I ignored her, that was a big mistake. I started to play with my pet dog and chased him around and tried not to trip over anything. Everything was fun until I looked up and saw the round corner of the dinning room table. BAM!!! I ran straight into the table and knocked all the cups and dishes out of place. I fell right on my rear, and sat there for a good minute. I tried to hold my tears in but the tears just started pouring out. My eye swelled up like my sister’s big head. It was the blackest eye I ever seen. My family didn’t even help me; all they did was laugh their drunk butts at me. My mother laughed and said “I told you so”. And she was right. The rest of the day I had to sit and watch television out of one eye while holding a pack of ice against my right eye.



. How the F can something be peaceful and hectic? It is too vague.2. I don’t know what it will be about because it’s too vague.3. You got hit by your mom while playing and still remember it.4. Things I liked best were, how you explained what’s happening in most of the house and not just where the incident occurred. Explained what the rest of the day was like afterwards.5. Why your mom hitting you matters, how you manage to make a grammatical error in almost every sentence. Boxing matches are on in the morning?? You go from presents to playing and getting hit fast, maybe you could add more or work on that.