Oww [Final Draft]

My knees and elbows were covered in red, which I would’ve cared about if my hip wasn’t searing with pain. It was a couple years ago at a park near my house. Trees in all directions surrounded me. The grass was littered with leaves and acorns. I could hear basketball being played to the east of me, while I could just barely hear cars on the freeway to my west. I was wearing faded black Fallen’s with fabric protruding from the toecap. The bottoms of my pants were slightly ripped around the edges. They were khaki cargos supported by a mangled belt that looked even worse than my shoes. I had to spend every 10 minutes or so lifting my pants because I lacked a properly functioning belt. I wore a white T-shirt and could feel the cold air on my sleeveless arms. I was skating with friends and I decided to ride down a steep downhill path that measured about a 100 yards that I had skated a few times before. I had tuned my board since then but I didn’t bother to see how it would run because I was bored and had to do something exciting. My friend wouldn’t skate it because he was too scared and said I was crazy. I started off and didn’t even bother to clear the road of shit that would get in my way (branches, acorns, rocks, etc.). I was fine for a good 7-10 seconds then my board started to shake uncontrollably. I was going too fast to stop or jump off, stuff I was use to doing. I just looked down at the board and was like WTF! I should’ve used my other board but I wasn’t thinking. This board was way too fast and I had just recently cleaned the bearings. The board’s front side jerked to the left and I took two running steps before I flew through the air. My body tackled the ground a couple of times and skid the rest of the way. I laid on the ground watching the board get away from me. I got up slowly to find my pants completely torn with blood soaking the edges. I lifted my shirt to see a large bloody skid mark covering my hip. “Thank god, I didn’t wear one of my other belts today”, I thought. It would have hurt even worse. My friend was like, “WTF, I should’ve got that on camera!” The color red substituted where my elbows originally were. My bloody knees felt like they were ready to disconnect from their sockets. Despite all that, I probably would have tried again if I had more feeling in my lower body.

1. Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better.
No, not really. Maybe you should of describe the park and maybe describe the scenery.
2. What do you think the narrative will be about?
Since the title was OWW I knew someone was going to get hurt but I wasn’t sure who.
3. Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences.
Ryan rode skated down a step hill and crashed.
4. Finish this statement: Things I liked best were…
Things I liked was the way you put detail into everything and gave me a picture of what happened that day.
5. Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were…
I want to know what happened after. Did your mom come get you? Did you go to the hospital?