Mr. Right {Final Draft}

I finally found everything im looking for. Thoughout my seventeen year of life I have never had a relationship that last longer than 3 months. As soon as things started to get serious I would pull back. Probably because I was scared of getting hurt. I use to make up crazy excuses like, his jokes were getting corny or even those sneakers were dicked that her wore to the movies. I dont really know why but being in a long term relationship seemed impossible for me. As I think of my past relationship I have no regrets. I just feel like those gentlemen wasnt what He had plannned for me. Now that I'm older , almost 18 years old He has placed Mr.Right right in front of me. His name in Dominic Lamar Roper and we been together for 7 months now. Could you imagine coming across a male 5'8 chocolate and a nice body? He is everything I've ever wanted in the opposite sex. We may argue about things but we always end it with a nice cup of I LOVE YOU and that makes everything better. We also call each other names and do crazy things to each other. For instance, when he has the remote control he likes to watch basketball all the time, I dont. So when he gets up to go to the bathroom or downstairs for something I take the remote. First I turn the televison to something I want to watch, then I hide the remote control. We he comes back he starts looking for the remote and I start to laugh giving him the idea that I did something with. He ask me where is the remote and I always reply with a smile," Where you left it". He goes to look again and I laugh even harder then he gets mad. He starts to do crazy things like pinch my arm or legs , or even twist my arm so I can give up and tell him. He always win but I do it every time. We actually have fun together and I enjoy that. He might sometimes tell corny jokes but I dont mine. On thing though, his sneakers are never dicked and Im glad for that. I find myself putting alot of time and effort into this relationship because this is really waht I want. My oldest sister Jasmine who thinks so knows and been though it all always tell me to be careful because men come and go. I hear what she says but this one I want to make sure he stays. I might sound sprung to yall but "Child I'm just in love with a man".



The first sentence doesnt really grab my attention.I think you should start the story off with how u met your bf.

*my favorate line is where you talk about his sneakers not bein dicked.

*the quote that is most vivid i would say is where your explaining about when you take the remote from him.

*I think the whole story could be improved. I feel like im reading a diary page and not a story. I think that you should tell how u met your boyfriend and give detail about when, where, and how u felt. I think you should tell how he is different from past boyfriends.I feel thats its not a story about anything.

*the closing is good but you juss need to make this a story with dialouge and more sensory details. (how he smells, how he looked when you first met him,a day he made you feel specail.)

*Whats clever about the ending is how you listen to your sister but your still gonna listen to yourself first.In the last sentence who are you quoting?