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As I held his head in my lap, I looked around me. My jeans, t-shirt, and hands were drenched in a dark red liquid. I don’t think I was painting that day. So many people were surrounding us but in my mind I was all alone; just me and my best friend lying on the floor taking a quick nap. I wish he would hurry up a wake up I thought. My leg was beginning to fall asleep from his big head. “Pi bon zanmi paske vi!” every time he told me we would be best friends for life, I assumed he meant forever.

I reminisce to the days we would sit on the steps and talk about everything. Two peach sodas sitting between us with him taking sips of mine when he thought I wasn’t looking. I would look into his rainy day gray eyes and know I was always going to be safe with him. He was so light skinned I would use him as if he was a sheet of loose leafed paper drawing funny characters on him while he slept. His hair was longer than most children’s high water pants and O how much I dreaded the buckles my fingers received after I braided it. As much as I see him in my mind, I also see that day playing over and over like a movie with no stop button.

“Babygurl go get some peach sodas, I gotta have a talk with you.” “What did I do now? What do we have to talk about?” “Just go and I’ll see you when I get back.” I already knew what it was. My best friend previously saw me talking to a boy I liked so I knew what the conversation, well lecture, would be about. Midway to the Papi store to get our peach sodas, I heard a loud pop and then I heard nothing. I turned around to see what was going on and I saw my best friend with red paint attacking his shirt like an infectious disease. I laughed and thought “Here we go with the paint ball fight again.” He began yelling at me unaware of my temporary being deaf. I ran and hid behind a car because I thought the paint ball thugs were coming for me next in my all white attire. It seemed like forever waiting for my best friend to come and hide with me like we usually did. I went out to find him and he was still in the same spot, only now he was lying down.

I got my sound back and heard many people screaming. When I reached him, my best friend was repeating over and over “Mwen lub ou April.” I told him, “I love you too; now get up so I can braid your hair while we talk.”; “Ok you’re sleepy? You can lie on my lap and take a quick nap.” I layed down with him, not caring about the oil stain on my cheek, and not caring about the stray cat jumping over me to avoid a car. As I looked around us, I noticed so many people in our face with sorrow in there eyes. I thought, he’s only taking a nap damn it’s not that deep. All of a sudden every one disappeared. It was just me and my best friend, lying in the hot street, making snow angels in the thick, gooey red paint and oil mixture. Just me and my best friend until some one touched him and tried to pry him away from me. I had to protect him while he was sleep, I tried my best to protect him and keep him warm. “Where are ya’ll taking him?” I asked. “Leave him alone, he’s just taking a nap!” They took my best friend away from me and I sat in his blood, with my now red pants and t-shirt, until my parents took me home. I will forever remember my best friend. I cry sometimes not because I miss him, but because I know he is always on the back of my neck, walking on the back of me heels pushing me forward, saying “Mwen lub ou April.” I always reply back with a smile, “I love you too!!”





Where did I go wrong? I tried my best to make everything right and it seems like the more I try the more it goes the opposite. I look at my children and ask myself was it even worth it to send Him down to try and fix thing…

“I’m keeping my baby mom so you can stop talking now!” Kisha yelled to her mom. “Kisha you are only 13 years old. When did you start having sex?” As I looked down, my heart began to ache. Kisha was supposed to be my prized creation. She was going to find the cure for AIDS but instead she let the streets and her 40 year old lover deter her from my plans.

All of my plans were going down the drain and I had very little hope left…

“Puff puff give man!” that was the only thing on Karim’s mind. Karim was 21 years old and had been in and out of the prison system since the age of 10. Karim was the only creation I made where I implanted a way for peace in his brain. He was the only person I was counting on to get my world back in order. Instead the more weed he smoked the less he remembered what I put in his head.

I sit day and night and wonder if I could really see what will happen before it does. If I can, why do I waste my time and heart on them?...

“Mommy will be right back; don’t answer the door for anyone.” Karma said to her children ranging from the ages of 2 to 7. The eldest Nassir already knew his mother was not coming back home for days. It was the first of the month and that meant “crack binge”. How could she let the three children who would grow up and eliminate world hunger starve because something more powerful than I was calling her.

How could I go so wrong when I was supposed to be so great…?

“Forget that ish man, he shouldn’t have disrespected me.” Kahlil screamed as he checked the clip of his .38. “Whatever you decide, you know I’m riding.” Stated Keith, 9 tucked in his pants. How could the two boys with the ability to make currency available for everyone, have the heart to kill another? I could only look in horror as the bullets ripped through his flesh sending his soul instantly to me.

I couldn’t believe these things people called tears were streaming down my eyes. How could Me, the most powerful, fail? I tried and tried but it seems like He is beating me after all I have fought for…

“This young lady was arrested today on multiple offenses; she was caught stealing out of a grocery store and was later in multiple other robberies. When we searched her, she had notebooks filled with strange scientific or mathematical notes; I believe they are the works of a terrorist.” The prejudice officer proudly proclaimed to the judge.

“Young lady do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“Well your honor, I do. I was caught stealing because many of the children in my community are dying from the many epidemics we face. I just wanted to help. As for the notebooks the jackass over there is talking about, in my 1st notebook, I have been studying the works of many scientists who have failed many times trying to find a cure for AIDS and I think I found where they went wrong. In my 2nd, it contains many of my thoughts on how peace could be obtained in the world and I think it will actually be a success. In my last notebook, I would sit up and witness all of the children who depended on me live their lives with nothing. They are born into hunger and poverty. As my anger turned into ideas, I came up with multiple tactics to help them and the world I live in. In that book, it contains ways to eliminate hunger and to keep currency of all kinds reaching everyone”…

As I looked down and witnessed this girl, that I could not recall creating, do all my work for me without an ounce of my help My joy could not be contained.

Ashley was her name and everything in her stolen notebooks came true. She fixed my world and helped me gain control. I thank her everyday I see her walk past me and she simply smiles and walks away