Monday, March 3, 2008

Butt-Butt final draft

We found her under a car curled up in a ball. We figured it was a girl we were not sure, but later on, we found out that it was. She was so small and cute. She looked so helpless, so we knew that leaving her there was not an option. Anyway, to make a long story short we ended up having a new member to add to our family.
"Keyannna!, Nieemah! Where is the cat? Somebody help me I have to go to the bathroom. I'm gone pee on myself.” My little sister T.T was terrified of a kitten. I think it is because she jumped at your feet every time you walked past her. "T.T she upstairs. Why are you scared of her? You the main one that wanted to keep her.” T.T replied "You lying she not upstairs.” "Look you betta go to the bathroom or you gone be moppin up mommy floor in a hot second.” T.T hesitated for a minute but she reluctantly began walking from the kitchen to the living room. As she turned to walk up the living room stairs, the small kitten ran from behind the couch and jumped at her feet.
"Ahhhhhhh, move, get away. Keyanna why you lie. I'm tellin mommy.” She quickly ran up the steps to the bathroom and slammed the doors behind her. T.T was afraid of many things but I never thought she would be afraid of a kitten. I did not waste any time running up the stairs to tell everyone how frightened she was of a tiny animal.
I can recall having some of the best times with that cat. Her name was Butt-Butt and everyone loved her. She was gray with black stripes. Her fur was very smooth and soft. She loved when you rubbed the top of her head. She had a black foot and the other white. She had a cute pink nose and very long whiskers. She also had two beautiful green eyes that would haunt you if you looked directly into them at night. She would always sneak in my room at night and try to sleep in my bed. No matter how many times I would put her out my room and shut my door, she would always find a new way to get back in my room. We had her for about two years. We watched her as she grew form a kitten to a full grown cat. As she grew older, she seemed to mature. She no longer scratched up the sides of my mother's couches. She no longer walked across the table and left cat hair everywhere. She no longer jumped in the sink and tried to eat the frozen chicken that my mother would place in the sink to defrost. She was older and wiser.
It seemed so unreal to me when my mother gave her away to the SPCA. I knew she had to go but I did not want her to. Nieemah had a thousand spots all over her body. The doctor told my mom that she had experienced an allergic reaction to something and my mother assumed it was the cat. "They lying they just want to keep her for themselves" this was the only explanation that I could think of for them taking Butt-Butt away. Why didn’t they just take Nieemah instead? That summer everyone changed. We weren't as lively and mischievous as we usually were. They took away one of our closest friends and we will never forget it. Even though she broke many things, got us into a lot of trouble, and cost my mother hundreds of dollars we will never forget her. I love you Butt-Butt and you will forever be missed.

1 comment:

Joycelyne said...

1. Explain how the writer uses the first sentence or two to grab the reader’s attention. If the opening doesn’t grab your attention, give the writer a suggestion on how to do so.
It grabbed my attention because I wanted to read more to find out what was a girl.

2.What is your favorite line from the story? Why?
"Why couldn't they just take Nieemah instead?"
that quote just made me laugh.

3.Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.

"She no longer scratched up the sides of my mother's couches. She no longer walked across the table and left cat hair everywhere"

4.What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?

"It was gray with black stripes. One foot was black and the other white. She had a cute pink nose and very long whiskers"
You can describe the fur texture and what did the colors remind you of.
5.Does the ending wrap up the story?
Yes she will miss her cat

6.What is clever and/or lively about the ending?
The way she cared about her cat as if it was a human.lol