"She Shouldn't Have Pulled My Hair" {final draft}

With blood leaking out of my stomach unnoticed, Kaneesha scarred with a black eye, bloody mouth, and a cut above her eye, the only excuse I could come up with for fighting that day was "She shouldn't have pulled my hair". I didn't know what else to say but I did know that I
would have to suffer the consequences. At the time I was attending
James Rhodes Middle School on 50th & Parrish St. in West Philadelphia.
I was currently in the 5th grade. When I first arrived at that
school, I was one of those "school-girls". I did all my work, listened
to the teachers attentively, and I never had problems with any of the
students. However, there is always one bad apple out the bunch.
There was this girl named Kaneesha. From some reason, she had a
serious dislike for me. I thought she was jealous of me. Kaneesha
had very short, nappy hair that was matted to her scalp. Her uniforms
were usually wrinkled and dirty. Sometimes she had a weird odor.
Everyone in my classes used to talk about her. I think I may have
been the only person who never talked about her. Instead of her
wanting to befriend me, we became enemies. In the cafeteria one day
all the girls were sitting around talking and munching on their freebies. I was eating a plateful of tator tots. All of a sudden, Kaneesha
comes up to me and sits across me at the table. "I heard you was
talking about me. Anything you got to say to me, say it to my face". First thing that came to my mind was 'who in the hell told this girl that'.
I looked at that girl like she really lost her mind. Here I am, the
only one who doesn't talk about her and I'm the one she confronts. So
I looked around the cafeteria to my surprise, all eyes were on me. I
turn to Kaneesha and reply, "Kaneesha, I suggest you get out my face
with all that dumb shit before you get hurt". Now I really wasn't the
cursing type but she really had my blood boiling. For a good minute
we just stared at each other. She had this devious look in her eyes
so I knew she was up to something. Next thing I knew, Kaneesha pulled
my hair and ran out the exit door to the outside of school. Everybody
knows I don't play when it comes to my long, thick hair. She know she
was wrong for that. I nearly knocked over the table getting up to
chase her outside. Of course, the whole school followed. It felt
like a high speed chase because we were doing about 45 mph. When I
finally caught up to her, I grabbed her coat and knocked her on the
ground. I'm throwing punches, she's kicking and punching. A huge
crowd has formed around us. All I heard was, "Kristina, beat that
B***h up", "Get her Kris, get her". This carried on for a good two
minutes when, out of nowhere, someone yells, "She got a knife". I
didn't realize she had a knife until I felt a sharp pain on my
stomach. By then the school police had stopped the fight. I left the
fight with a cut and she left the fight with a black eye, bloody
mouth, and a cut above her eye. The school police didn't notice the
box cutter in her hand or the blood leaking from my stomach. When the
chaos settled down, Kaneesha and I had to go sit in the accommodation
room. Luckily, our punishment was to write the entire dictionary over
on loose-leaf; which I never did finish. Afterward, I went home to tend to my cut. The next day when I saw Kaneesha, she looked a hot mess. We crossed paths smiling at each other because both of us knew that this wasn't the end.



1. Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better. It doesn’t really pull me in like it should. Im only semi interested. Make it more interesting!!!!
2. What do you think the narrative will be about? You getting in trouble for fighting a girl at school
3. Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences. She fights a dirty girl. In the process of trashing her she gets a cut to the stomach and a punishment.
4. Finish this statement: Things I liked best were… the vivid looks of the girl. How angry the girl made you and how the fight ended.
5. Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were… if she ever got in trouble for cutting you. Who told her you were talking about her. What were you eating when she rudely interrupted the best period of the day LUNCH!!!!